Learn something from you all

Thank you friends for all opinions and comments about me and Clay. I appreciate that you have shared your valuable point of views with me. I really have to learn a lot and I am glad I have friends like you!

I've known my mistakes when I wrote the post and some of you have pointed that out as well:

• I have to talk face to face, look into his eyes to see his expression and he can see mine too.
• I also thought that I put too much pressure to him when I was talking to him, that's why I said I didn't mean to compare him with his cousin (in my heart I realize I did.. hahaha) oops!
• I shouldn't tell him about his uncle who 'mocked' him in front of me. I think he didn't realize it at all, it's me who dislike his uncle attitude anyway. :-P
• Yeah I know I should ask him first how is doing at school, how's his mood at that time etc before I 'gave him a lecture'....
  

From you I learn:

• Comparing boys with girls is sexist... :-D I think in my culture it's very common that I even didn't realize that! Thanks Max and Elaine. In my point of view, man should be able to strive, to compete and to be strategical compare to woman because it's man who responsible to provide his family's needs. In SAHM communities, there's less competitions... am I wrong? *grin* Yup, crazy ambitious mom do compares their kids... ( I am not included ler) LOL
  
  
• Boys are boys, girls are girls just like LB said... I think we could teach and nurture them differently. I was grown up from a girl family... I have no boy siblings, this makes me harder to understand boys.. :-)
  
  
• Talking about better cousins happen all the time in this world in fact! Ha ha ha... many of you share the same experiences. *smile to Amel and LJ* Grandparents do compare their grandchildren everytime! I hate that! Clay and Cliff have a cousin with the same age, it's more tough for them as our relatives always compare them (the way they eat, they sing, they talk, aaarrggh... always be compared!!!). Actually I don't mean to say that Clay's cousin is better than him... she just wants to be better, but Clay is still the best. I have to tell him more often without comparing him to someone else? How? LOL.
  
  
• I have to play a role as an educator not a critic... what an insight from Max! I will learn that and I think I've applied it in these several days.
  
  
• Thanks to Mr. Fong for his wise opinion that I have to change tactic, and encourage him not coz of other people good, but coz he's good! I have tried Amel's mom's tactic by sharing stories about people who succeeded and who failed from time to time...the choices they make... my hubby gave Clay an example about the bridge, KUMON math is just a little bridge he has to leap over to be able to leap another bigger bridge so Clay can reach his dream to be an astronaut.
  
  
• Jeslyn and Joanne remind me that happy children learn more that stressed ones! Praising him more to motivate him is better, right Nicole? May I praise him to push him? *grin* How about rewards? (of course I can't promise him a reward of staying in hotels in Las Vegas) LOL....
  
  
• Joanne, I try and I will try harder to spend more time with Clay. I do sit beside him when he does his KUMON's homework but sometimes I loose my patient seeing him doing his homework slowly. *blushed*
  
  
• Thanks Wen for reminding me about choosing the right time... not after school to give him lecture. I need more patient to wait indeed... moms should have patient...patient and patient!

I will post more on the post below about Clay to let you know more about him, and let me know your opinion again ok!

What do you think about competitiveness?

When I tried to push Clay a couple days ago, it didn't mean that he was not clever enough at school. Although his age is younger than most of his classmates (he is 7 years old now, 2nd grade) I must say that he is good and smart enough. He even got this card (and gift as a reward) from his English teacher:
Clay is doing great at school. He is talented in English, Mandarin, Science, Math and Bible study. He never has to work hard but he can get good score. Though this is such a blessing, I think Clay has to learn how to work hard. I don't want him underestimate something and not give all his best in doing something.

Here's my point of view about parenting...
Actually my hubby and me doesn't like to compare our kids. We put Clay in his recent school because of this reason as well. In this school (Bintang Mulia), there is no ranking on his semester report. I feel awful when our relatives and their grandparents compare my children to their cousins. Sometimes, I feel 'challenged' to beat them and show that my children are great. HA HA HA... some of our relatives thought that Clay's school is not good enough because the students won't be able to compete and easily to give up. They thought the kids need to have a gut to compete as the workplace (and life) is hard and full of competition.

What do you think?

All this time I just teach my kids to know and develop their potentials and be who they are. We do have to compete with ourselves, not with others. We have to be better than yesterday. I believe that each child has their own strengths. Not all children are born good at math, or sports... though a child may doesn't get good marks at school, I believe the child has something that he can do best and can be succeeded, may be he is good at art or sport, may be he is good at interpersonal skill, etc.

This is my opinion when my mind is clear enough.. HA HA HA... but our big family don't think that way, that's why it is quite hard to stick to this. HA HA HA HA... the temptation to conquer them all is soooo big!

I made this for my son Clay and put the picture as my wallpaper desktop. Just want to show Clay that I believe in him and I love him. Embellishment by Dawn's fairy KIT.

Memorable Moments...

This Thursday my friend will deliver her first son by caesar and my mind flies back two years ago and even 7 years ago when I delivered Clay and Cliff.

Both of my son born naturally, not by caesar. Though during unbearable pain I always cried to get a caesar instead, I managed to hang in there 14 hours and deliver my babies. Yes 14 hours of pains!

Clay was 3.5 kg 52 cm and Clifford was 3.82 kg 54 cm when they were born. Such a big babies, indeed.

In Chinese tradition we always gave 'ManYe' or gift to our friends and family who has visited our babies, 30 or 40 days after the babies were born. We usually send a cake with two red eggs on it as a symbol that our baby is a month old already. With these cakes and red eggs we usually attach photo birth announcements, with the babies name on it. This ManYe tradition just like our thanksgiving that the Lord has given us a healthy baby.

For these memories, here's Clifford when he was born! It was me, in pain... and my smile right after Clifford was born and tucked in my arm! Look, you still can see the blood on my shirt!

Here's my favorite picture... what cute little tiny feet he has!

When Clay was born, we didn't have a digital camera, so I have to look for his photographs and get them scanned first.

Sebuah SMS...

Cling... kurang lebih begitulah suara handphoneku, tanda SMS masuk...

Kamu patut bangga. Kamu dipilih Tuhan untuk ngurusin
3 mahluk yang jail, tengil, ngeselin, ga pernah dewasa2,
ga bisa serius, tapi lalucu. Praise the Lord!
................ Aunt Lika, 29 Apr 07 - 6:58pm

Hm... aku tersenyum. Senang. Siapa yang gak senang kalau keluarganya dibilang menyenangkan begitu... (jail tengil ngeselin ga pernah dewasa ga bisa serius... itu menyenangkan bukan?!)

SMS itu datang kurang lebih 2 jam setelah kami pulang dari rumah Auntie... Aku, Clay dan Cliff datang mengunjunginya karena mau minta minum... rumah masih 15 menit perjalanan, dan Clay ribut haus..mau minum... kebetulan Cliff ikut, dan pasti pintu rumah Auntie terbuka lebar untuk para jagoan kecilku.

"Hm... pasti kedatangan kami membuat mereka senang" pikirku pe de. Minta minum... ngemil-ngemil kue snack ini itu... dan bawa pulang sedikit bekal... sudah menjadi ritual acara setiap berkunjung ke sana... hahaha... makanannya banyak!

Setelah dikonfirmasi via telpon bahwa orangnya ada di rumah, dan minta ijin berkunjung... lewat 2 lampu stopan kemudian, belok kanan, lurus dikit dan sampailah kami di rumah 'penuh makanan enak' itu... Hal yang pertama dicari Clay, jelas, minum. Sementara aku langsung mencari tuan rumah, dan sang tuan rumah mencari Cliff...yang dicari sedang berjalan perlahan dengan kaki-kaki kecilnya... sambil tersenyum-senyum. Mungkin dia baru saja melihat ke kandang tikus putih yang ada di halaman belakang Auntie Lika. Dan... seperti yang sudah kutebak... dan yang memang sudah jadi ritual... suguhan pertama langsung hadir... sirup jelly, agar, rumput laut dan selasih jadi satu!

Belum lagi aku masuk ke ruang keluarga, sudah ada 'tawaran' lain dari dalam...
"Lapar gak? Ini pastelnya enak banget loh... Clay, mau lemper?"
Hm... maunya sih diet.. lapar pun nggak... lagi makan sirop berdua dengan Cliff pula. Jadi aku jawab saja, "Gak lapar ah..."

Gak lama kemudian kami masuk ke ruang tengah... ada Uncle soalnya... Cliff shake hands sama Uncle... rupanya lagi nyemir rambut biar ubannya gak keliatan. Biar rambut kelimis teuteuup bisa bercanda dengan Cliff dan Clay.

Di ruang keluarga itu aku duduk di depan TV, di sebelah Auntieku, sedang makan snack yang tadi ditawarkan...
"Enak banget nih! Ragout keju loh..."
Wallah... gak nahan deh denger kata ragout dan kata keju.. keduanya 'penggoda lidah' banget!
Jadi, perut yang gak lapar ini diisi dengan pastel tadi deeeh... hiks hiks.. kapan ya kurusnya...
Sebelum pulang, kami musti melewati meja makan... dan di sana nongkronglah makanan kesukaanku yang lain... batagor!! haha.. Gawat banget ya.. yang baca blog ini bakal berpikir aku ini rakus or 'tamcia' gitu kali ya.. hm... bukan gitu loh! Manusiawi banget dong, kalo ada makanan keliatan sama mata kita? Masa musti merem gitu kalo lewat meja makan...

Alhasil, kami pulang bekal 4 potong batagor deh.. yang 2 buat Clay bekal sekolah, yang 1 kami makan berdua, dan yang 1 lagi makan sendiri sebagai pengganti dinner.. hehe..

Udah ah... ngomongin makanan melulu... kita kembali ke SMS...

Waktu terima sms itu, aku tersenyum... 3 mahluk... hm.. anakku 2, yang 1 lagi pasti bapaknya anak-anak deh... :-D

Jail... itu sebenernya Cliff juaranya. Kalau sama orang rumah, kalau kita lengah dikit, dia bisa sepertinya meluk kaki kita padahal gigit paha kita loh!! Beberapa kali si mbak (aku juga pernah) lagi membungkuk membereskan atau mengambil sesuatu... tiba-tiba auuuwwww....!! Digigit!

Tengil... Cliff juga sih... hm... papanya tengil gak ya? hehe.. tengil tapi udah gak lucu kali ya.. Cliff itu sejak umur 3 bulan, kalau difoto suka 'ngelel' alias menjulurkan lidahnya.. dan melirik nakal. Ada seorang tante yang liat foto dia, langsung bisa melihat dari raut mukanya... iih ini anak tengil dan jail banget!! haha..

Ngeselin... wah...ini dalam arti positif lah ya.. memang kadang ngurus anak itu lucu tapi ngeselin ya. Tiap mainan sudah dibereskan lagi, belum sampai 5 menit langsung deh di'awur-awur' lagi... padahal mau di pel tuh. Hampir setiap kali digendong papanya, Cliff berhasil mengambil bolpen dari saku kemeja papanya secepat pencoleng...

Gak pernah dewasa2... gak bisa serius.. ini mustinya suamiku.. Sang SriBaginda Raja di Raja... soalnya anak2 kan masih kecil masa musti jadi dewasa.. SriBagindaku itu orangnya emang lucu dan murah senyum, suka bercanda... jadi sepertinya gak pernah dewasa... hihihi.. kami berdua pernah ikutan rally mobil yang diadakan oleh salah satu stasiun radio (waktu blum punya anak dan pengantin baru) terus di akhir rally ada acara best dress best couple gitu.. Jadi kami ini pake baju seragam yang sama (seragam ya sama dong!) pake baju kaos oblong basket gitu, didouble sama T shirt dalemnya... celana pendek dan sepatu olahraga warna putih. Untuk menambah keseragaman kami... kami juga menyamakan gigi kami.. waktu itu gigi depan SriBaginda ompong karena jatuh dari motor... jadi kami cari2 sesuatu yang bisa menghitamkan gigi depanku.. pake plakban hitam itu bisa nempel lah sementara mah... hahaha.. sambil terbahak bahak di WC, kami pasang ompong di gigiku... dan nekad, naik ke catwalk untuk tersenyum di depan audience....

Walaupun tidak menang, tapi panitia mengingat kami sebagai pasangan gila.. haha.. selang beberapa tahun panita yang dulu itu bertemu dengan SriBaginda, masih membahas kegilaan kami saat itu.

Tapi lalucu... hm.. udah gak usah dibahas lagi ya.. udah jelas 3 mahluk-ku ini mahluk lucu yang selalu membawa keceriaan dalam keluarga.

Kesimpulannya... benar seperti apaku bilang tadi kan? Kedatangan kami minta minum itu membuat Auntie and Uncle kami senang... Suka mengunjungi kerabat itu hal yang patut ditiru saudara-saudara... jangan ke mall melulu... :-D


Aku balas smsnya...

Ha..ha..ha... iya ya. Thanks for reminding me.
Jadi gak bisa kurus nih, dapet entertaint terus tiap hari! -alesanpadahalgabisadiet-

Yaaah... buat anak-anakku (sambil mengunyah bayam tumis, jam 8:48 malem)...
keluarga adalah segala-galanya... tempat kita berbagi hidup, tertawa bersama, menangis bersama, belajar menjadi orang yang lebih baik dari hari ke hari... saling menghibur, saling merawat, saling menjaga dan saling mendoakan... Thanks Big Daddy for giving us a wonderful family...

Kenang-kenangan dari Clay

"Clay, ayo makan.. udah hampir jam 7.."

"Nanti mah, sebentar, aku lagi nulis sesuatu buat mama.." kata clay sambil mengetik sms di hp mama.

Nulis apa sih.. pikir mama.. cukup lama juga dia ngetik-ngetik...

"Mah, kalau nulis kenang-kenangan gimana sih? tolong spellingnya dong..." ujar Clay.

"K e n a n g 2 a n..."

"kok pake 2?" tanya clay

"iya kan disingkat.. kenang nya 2 kali.. tinggal tambah an" jawab mama sambil berpikir "hm..biar cepet dikit lah.."

Setelah selesai sms, Clay mengirim sms itu ke no flexy mama.... stlh itu sampai deh smsnya...

"Mah, bales ya.." katanya sambil beranjak menuju meja makan...

"Ok... kamu makan dulu ya"

Mau tau isi smsnya?

"Mama jangan marah-marah terus, kalau Mama marah-marah terus jadi anak-anaknya ikut marah-marah terus. Maafin clay ya kalau clay sudah tidak nurut Jangan dihapusya ini kenang2an" 7 maret 07 6:36 pm

Air mata mama menetes tiap kali baca sms itu.. Ada rasa bersalah karena mama sering kurang sabar terhadap Clay.. Ada rasa bangga, punya anak sebaik dan sebijak Clay... Ada rasa haru sekaligus kagum, Clay bisa punya pengertian dan bisa minta maaf seperti itu.. Ada rasa heran... kok bisa, Clay punya ide nulis sms dan minta sms itu menjadi kenang2an... Clay baru berumur 6 th 7 bulan...

Ini jawaban sms mama buat Clay...

Dear Clay, Makasih ya smsnya. Mama jadi terharu. Maafin mama juga ya suka marah2. Itu karena mama sayang sama anak2 mama. Biar Clay sehat, ga masuk angin, dan jadi anak yang pinter. I love you Clay. Mama suka sedih kalo Clay ga jawab mama. Jgn gitu lagi ya.

Sambil makan, Clay membaca sms balasan mama... lalu sms balik, "Tx mah... "

Itulah anakku Clay.. begitu dewasa... mama sangat bersyukur Tuhan sudah kasih Clay menjadi anak mama.

Kira-kira pk.8.30.. sebelum bobo... mama dan Clay mengobrol dan berdoa bersama... Mama jelaskan sama Clay, kenapa Mama melarang Clay main air di halaman tadi sore.. Waktu cuci mobil, selang air nya mama matiin, biar Clay gak main air.. supaya badannya gak basah dan dingin, biar gak sakit..

Waktu lap mobil, Clay mama suru masuk rumah, karna anginnya besar sekali, dan hujan mulai turun...

Waktu di mobil, mama tanya Clay ttg pelajaran di sekolah, tapi Clay gak jawab.. Clay sering gak jawab kalo mama ajak ngomong atau tanya sesuatu.. Mama merasa marah kalau mama ajak ngomong Clay tapi Clay gak peduli.. Mama jadi sedih dan merasa Clay gak menghormati mama.

Setelah mama dan Clay ngobrol.. kita berdoa bersama.. dan Clay bobo.. mama kasih lagu lullabies buat nemenin Clay bobo.. lalu mama keluar kamar Clay karna dede Cliff rewel terus minta ditemenin mama.. Waktu mama balik lagi ke kamar Clay, Clay belum bobo.. mungkin karna gak biasa ada lagu, jadi malah dengerin lagu, bukan bobo... jadi lagunya mama matiin, bawa keluar. Clay minta mama temenin sampai tidur, tapi mama harus jaga Cliff yang rewel... selain itu, mama rasa Clay akan lebih cepet tertidur tanpa ditemenin.. kalo ditemenin malah jadi susah bobo.. tapi mama berjanji, mama akan selalu mengusahakan untuk nemenin Clay sampai bobo... karna mama sadar, tidak akan selamanya mama bisa menemani anak-anak mama...

Jam 10 malam papa baru pulang.. Cliff juga baru bobo... sebelum papa dan mama bobo, mama perlihatkan sms Clay kpd papa... Papa heran, kenapa Clay bisa nulis sms seperti itu.. lalu mama ceritain kejadian tadi siang.. sambil mama menangis lagi.. mama menyesal, kurang sabar sama Clay. Terus papa dan mama berdoa barengan... minta hikmat, kesabaran dari Tuhan..membesarkan anak-anak itu tidak gampang... malam itu, mama dan papa juga bertekad untuk memberikan yang terbaik untuk anak-anak..