This is a sticky note... From March, the 3 first commentator on my posts that begin with this heart, will get some points! Read further here for more information. Thank you and have fun!
Showing posts with label Big Daddy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Big Daddy. Show all posts

Thursday, May 15, 2008

I apologize, Clay..

Warning: I am not proud at all to share this to you. I write this experience for my reference in the future and I also hope you can learn something from this. I also don't expect anyone will say that I do the right thing, what I did was wrong, that's all... I am sad, yes, but I've learn...

Dear Clay,
I keep thinking about this last night, and this matter is the first thing that come to my mind when I wake up this morning. I will tell you chronologically here:

day one, At supermarket, I bought some eggs for us. You broke one egg when you played the trolley. I was upset and I put the broken egg back to the shelf and change it to the good one.

How shameful mother I am! I keep feeling so regret for doing that, Clay. What I did was irresponsible, wrong and shameful. I didn't teach my children to be responsible. I was not act as God wanted me to do. The case was closed, we didn't talk about it anymore.

Day two,
we went to supermarket again because I need to buy a chocolate spread. You were running towards the rice section and took one 2,5 kg pack of black glutinous rice. I was quite far from you and you talked to me loudly,"Mom! What is this?" and braaaak... the pack fell from your hand and broken on the floor. I saw it and I only said,"Aaaaa" without coming near and helping you. I went in ignorance, as if you were not my boy. *sobs* You put the pack back, and run to me, hold my hand worriedly.
I said,"What are you doing? Yesterday you broke the egg, now this."
You said,"I didn't mean to do it, it just fell down from my hand, I only want to know what it is.."
I got my chocolate spread and I paid it and leave....

Clay I feel really ashamed while writing this. I was so ignorance, sly, coward, irresponsible... I know God doesn't happy to see me.
Last night you saw me reading the Bible, and you took your Bible to read together with me. You asked me to read Proverbs according to the list schedule. I read it but I couldn't continue to read it! I was reminded to what I did that day and felt so bad. You asked me, "Mom, have you finished reading?" I said, "Nope, not yet. I remember I walked away at the supermarket this afternoon. We shouldn't do that Clay, it was wrong... We have to be responsible for that." You said,"hm..." means that you agree with me.

Before we sleep, Dad was at home already. I wanted to tell him about this but you strictly refused it. You were so panic, didn't want Daddy to hear about this. I said to you,"Clay we have to face this, don't run away from the problem. We shouldn't hide something from Dad..." You said,"No!" and you hide behind my back while I hugged you tightly. You tried hard to cover my mouth as I was trying to tell Dad about it. You started to cry. However, I said to dad, "We did something today, and didn't solve the problem yet. Do you think we have to clear this problem up?" And finally I told Daddy the whole story (not about the egg though) and you cried...

Clay dear,
I feel awful, really I do. I think I made another mistake by telling Dad without your permission. I didn't respect your privacy, ignored your feeling afraid and betrayed your trust to me... the worse mistakes I made that day... I am so sorry Clay for not being a wise mom... terribly sorry.

Dad saw you cried, wisely he said that it was okay. I also said to you, that it was not about you... the problem was about me, not you... I know you didn't mean to break the rice, it was my fault for not paying it and walked away. It was my fault for not facing the truth... The price was not expensive at all, but I didn't want to pay it. How bad I was! I hugged you tightly when I was telling you. Dad told you that you were not alone. It happened to him when he was a kid as well. Dad told you how he once took a beautiful bookmark in a bookstore, and the security caught him. He was so afraid and felt ashame but since then he learned that if he wanted to read books he could always read it in the store (because he had no money to buy books). Until he was in university, he always learned and read textbooks in the book store for hours.
I admired your dad's honesty, he didn't feel ashame to share his shameful mistake to you. I finally opened my heart and shared you the same story... that once I took a little eraser in a bookstore and being caught by the security as well!! Ha ha ha ha...your dad laughed at me. We ended that day by kneeling together before God, asking His forgiveness, His wisdom and mercy. We also prayed to have a pure sensitive heart that will feel uneasy when we do something wrong. We don't want our heart become blunt and can't acknowledge God's truth anymore.

I hope you felt better, knowing that you were not alone, and you came from the imperfect parents like us... *grin*

Oh Clay, how many mistakes I've done yesterday! My ignorance to you was the fatal mistake! I am so sorry... though I know sorry is not enough to heal your painful heart. I hurt inside as well, my son. You screamed and said "NO!!" in your dream last night... so loud... in my heart I really realize that I hurt you badly... I pray for us, may God speeds the recovery in your heart and give me many chances to show you that you can trust your mom... your imperfect mom.

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Do you really love me?

I asked God, "How much do You love me?"

The Lord stretched out His arms, to be nailed on the cross...

Happy Easter, my friend... read the whole story here.

Question of the day:
What does forgiveness mean to you?

Monday, February 18, 2008

My Valentine 2008

Dear Big Daddy,

Thank you so much for Your presence in my life for 35 years...
All this time, Your love never fails, You always give me beautiful blessings to enjoy. Last Valentine, You have given me and my family health to enjoy the special day. You also have poured me with so much love by sending so many great friends who share their love and attention to this little me. I am so blessed by their phone calls, emails, sms, postings, comments and also prayers.

Most of all thank you Lord for my hubby who loves me. He brought me a red rose, beautifully made by You special for me? Owww... thank you Big Daddy!! *hugssss*
Thank you for my valentine man, thank you for my valentine children as well... they are as precious as red roses You've created for all in love people in this world!
Flowers are most beautiful when they are given to someone we love, and I got one for me, the most beautiful flower this year from my hubby!

Hubby took me (and Cliff) for lunch at a Malaysian Restaurant. Clay was at school.


I love the atmosphere very much, it brought us to old Malaysia atmosphere as if we were not in Bandung. I attached the picture for You, Big Daddy... though I know You were with us that day... *grin* Love that bird cage lamp decorations... love all the old antiques.. and the food were yummy.

Chicken Soto for Cliff, Nasi Lemak for hubby, soft shell crab in oatmeal for me! Roti Canai and Teh Tarik were great as well... I also found telor cicak (gecko's egg), our children's sweet snack from my childhood! What a great time...

Dear Big Daddy, thanks again for everything... I hope I can love You like You do!

PS. Clay is sick, may You heal him and bless the medicine he takes... and do give Cliff strength so he is not infected by Clay's viruses. Thank you my Healer... My blog buddies pray for them as well... please bless them, Big Daddy... :-)

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I love You for being You

These days I learn something. I learn how to love God with all my heart, my soul, my strength and my entire life just because who He is.

Not because I want His blessings....
not because I need His protection...
not because I want His guidances...
not because I need His help in my whole aspect of life...
not because I want Him to answer my prayers...
not because I need something from Him...
not because I want a place in heaven...
not because I need Him to provide my needs...

Have you ever asked yourself, do you love God? Your Creator?

When you love somebody, your spouse for instance, you shouldn't love them because you need their money... or because you need them to take care of you. Love for the love sake...that's all. I am sure you agree with me.

Ironically, we come to God only when troubles come, or when we need blessings from Him. OR... we never come near to God at all in bad times, just because we feel ashamed to Him for we never remember Him in good times.

These days I learn to love God sincerely.
Although I can't feel He is near... I know He is with me.
although troubles and trials come...
although He said NO to my prayers or may be I can't hear His answer at all...
although He didn't help me...
although He doesn't bless me the way I want...
although I have to be sad or pay the price...
although I have to face the risk...
although life seems to be tiring...
although that means I will loose something I love...

I will worship and love my Lord.

May be this is not a popular choice...
May be this is a hard, narrow and full of pebbles path I have to walk...
May be tears and humiliation are ready to grab me...
May be there will be no benefit I will get...

I will learn to still love and serve my Master.
I will give all my heart to strive my faith in Him.

How about you?

Friday, February 1, 2008

Big Daddy, Mosquito and Me

February is my favorite month of the year... it is romantic, it is special and it is full of love! I want to create a Love atmosphere in my blog from day one until day fourteen... may be I can't post everyday (but I think I can... hehehe) but I will post about love love love.....

The first love post is about my Big Daddy! This is based on true story but written creatively.

Without knocking at His door, I rushed in to see my Big Daddy....
He is there, busy with His work, but I don't care... I am sure He will be happy to see me, He always is. I hug Him from His back, cling my arms to His shoulder. Hm... I love His smell... so peaceful and warm...

"Hey...hey... hey.... what is it dear?" He caresses my hair and smiles,"You look happy!"
"I am here to thank You, Dad..." I grin.
"Aaaaah.... good! You're welcome then... what is it about?" He grins back to me...
"Many things!" I answered.

I look at his desk, tidy and very organized but I can tell that He is very very busy.... He takes care everything on the whole universe! All planets and meteors, weather and winds, He has a long long list of animals and feeds them all! He knows how to make the flowers bloom, He ordered bees colonies and butterflies troops to pollinate the flowers to produce fruits... and He provides many fruits for the animals and humans.

He also rules the nations, He chooses leaders and watches closely at them. He takes care of orphans and widows, the poor, the hungry and the needs. He knows about all disasters and He cried with all who are in sorrows. He calls His children to help them all but sometimes they just don't listen... Sometimes He even sends some dolphins to help the survivor of the shipwreck! Among all of that great and important things He always has time for me. He is never too busy to hear me. That's why I never hesitate to come near to Him.

"Big Daddy... thank you for keeping my nights from that mosquitoes!"
"Ha...ha...ha...ha...." He bursts in laugh. "You really hate them, aren't you? Ha ha ha.... I am sorry to hear that dear, but I have to feed the gecko and spiders as well with that mosquitoes. Ha...ha...ha..."
"Yeah I know... I don't mind about that actually... but at that time, I was very tired and had a tough day. I was soooo helpless when I saw one mosquito flied away in front of my eyes and I couldn't catch it."
He smiles and stares at me with that loving eyes. "I knew My child. Your hubby was out of town as well at that time, I saw him still did something before he slept. I told that little mosquito to shoo away from your room, but it refused to hear Me... young mosquitoes can be rebellious sometimes indeed."
"So what did You do with it then? I got a peaceful sleep, away from that little naughty creature without doing nothing! I think You sent it to my bug killer lamp, didn't You? I heard it snapped!"
My Big Daddy laughs, oh how I love to see His beautiful white teeth!
"Nope... I just make his wings a little heavy to fly near you and Cliff. He just parked somewhere behind your wardrobe until a hungry gecko caught him."
"Ha ha ha.... You are very wise, Dad! You help me twice as far as I aware. I just can't forget it."
"One other night, I was watching 101 Dalmation with Cliff, and I saw the mosquito on my TV. I thought it was on the movie, but when I rewind the movie I couldn't find that mosquito anymore! Ha...ha...ha... You know how I felt at that time... ha ha ha... my friend LB said I just like a mosquito obsessed crazy lady! Ha ha ha ...."

"Oh I know him, LB who stays in Italy, right? He really loves Lormaikai!"

"Yeah!! That's him! Bless him, Dad..." I wink. "Sure, My child... as always. Come on, continue your story..."

"After Cliff felt sleepy, I turned off the TV and played a lullaby. I waited for Cliff to sleep then I think I would hunt that moz... I still have some energy to be awake but I always ask You to help me everytime I see moz. Just taking a benefit of Your can-see-everything-Eyes..."I blink to Him teasing Him... He winks to me.

"I was ready to hunt, prepared with electric-bug-catcher-racket beside me...and I read the bible while I was waiting the moz came near."

"Yup... I love to talk to you through the bible, My child... and I am happy you don't forget to keep your new year resolution this time."

"Of course! :-) and thank you very much for sending that moz flied near me, thanks for allowing me to see and snap it without taking effort walking around the room... You are the best Big Daddy in the world! Ha ha ha...." and we laugh together....

Friday, November 30, 2007

Imaginary Talk...

I was lying on my bed, trembling and shaking. Too many thoughts raged in my mind that I couldn't explain nor express it in words. Disappointed, angry, hurt, sad, not sure what other words could describe my feeling... I just stared my bedroom's ceiling. It was 2.30 AM, the night still so dark and quiet. All I could hear were my hubby snored softly in his peaceful dream, and my son Cliff's breath in his rest.

"Why do you still think about it, My Child? You better rest to recharge your energy." suddenly my Big Daddy appeared by my side. His voice is so soft and calm, comforting my miserable heart. He smiled and stared at me, waiting for my answer patiently. I knew He payed all His attention to me, just for me.

"Many things had happened today, Big Daddy... I can't tell you all in order, I feel so... aaaahh.. I don't know what to say..." I whispered softly as I didn't want to wake my hubby and Cliff.

"Well it's okay, you can count on Me, I am here to hear anything you want to say and I think I will understand them all no matter how you say it. Just talk to Me one by one... Ok, why you feel so disappointed, My child?"

"Hhhh... You always know exactly how I feel, Big Daddy, do I really look that awful so You can read all my feeling through my face?" My Big Daddy smiled, and stroke my hair lovingly...

"I was so mad to the travel agent where I planned to buy my tickets to Singapore. They kept delaying to confirm my tickets and now I have to pay more because of their slow service. I have tried to contact the agent several times, everyday, but I was told that she was on call...she wasn't there...she was in the restroom... or if I could speak to her, she has no answer for me at all and promise to call me back as she has to contact the airlines. Actually she NEVER call me even once."

I looked at my Big Daddy to see if He was bored already with my mumbling... He still listen to me with full attention."So, you think that because of the agent's fault, you can't get the cheaper tickets. Is that true, My child?"

"Exactly. If only they really did their job last week, I don't have to spend that much." I frowned.

"Come here, child," He asked me to sit next to Him and He held me in His warm arms. There was peaceful feeling that I can't describe. "I know you are upset to that agent. I know you feel disappointed. However, your anger and disappointment can't force everything be back just like before. Look through the window, My child, I have prepared all beautiful stars scattered in the sky for you. I have told the moon to glow its charming light to shine and put a smile on your face. I also sent the wind breeze gently to refine your heart."

I feel so comforted and blessed as if I am the most rich woman in this earth. Why not, the sky is decorated so beautifully for me to enjoy!

"Now tell Me, what do you need to buy all the tickets? Haven't I provide you all the money you need, even though the tickets are more expensive? Can you afford it? I have provided all for you to enjoy, haven't I?"

Hm... yes, You are right... I answered Him softly in my heart. I took a deep breath. He was right, I might have an option to count my blessing and not fret. It's just sooo annoying for an ordinary people like me. There was nothing I can say but to thank Him. "Eeerrr... Big Daddy, thank you... I am sorry for worrying too much about all of these... sorry You have to remind me again that You know what I need and provide me according to Your mercy."

"That's My sweet child..." He smiled at me and tousled my hair affectionately. I always love to see His face smiling at me like that. "Are you okay about your maid?"

I sighed,"I guess so... tomorrow my new maid will have to return to her hometown and I will only have one maid, my faithful maid in these three years. It doesn't feel good to change maids several times, You know I hate it, Big Daddy... my maid also said that to me, it was hurt to be left by a friend several times."

My Big Daddy whispered sadly,"I know how it feel to be left. I understand your feeling. People did that to Me many times when I was in this world. Many people still forget Me and doesn't want Me in their life until now..."

I leaned my head on His shoulder. For some minutes we just sat together without saying anything, but our hearts felt that we understood each other's feeling.

"Eh.. Big Daddy, this afternoon I saw a woman sat in front of a house. She showed a strange gesture as if she was asking some food and water to every car and motorcycle that passed in front of her."

"What did you do when you see her?" asked Him. I knew ask me because He wanted to hear it from me, not because He didn't know it. He knows everything after all.

"I thought what You should do if You were me..." I grinned to Him. He laughed, "You did? And...?"

"Well, I passed her and went home... hahahaha"

"You what?!" He asked with his eyes opened widely."Naughty girl!" He tried to tickle me.

"Yeah I went home and took some food and water of course... hahaha... I gave them to her, Dad" He took me again in His arm and give me His thumb up.

"She told me that she was lost and have been wandering around since this morning. She was so hungry and thirsty. She came from Tasik, may be 3 hours away from Bandung. She was taken by somebody, promised that she would be sent to Malaysia to work but that stranger left her alone without money at all. She wanted to go home."

"Big Daddy, I planned to take her to the bus station..."

"Planned? You planned? So You didn't..." He cut my sentence.

I grinned awkwardly, "Many of her statements don't make sense to me. I thought it's impossible that someone could leave her hometown without her family's knowledge. She said she was promised to work in Malaysia, oh come on Dad, she needed a passport and preparation, she couldn't go to the bus station and followed a stranger. I need some time to think the wise thing I could do to help her. So I left her over there with the food."

I continued my story,"I would have to pass her place again to pick up Clay. If she was still there I would give her some money so she could go to the bus station. But she left already Dad... I didn't meet her again."

I looked at His face to see His expression but I couldn't guess His thought about this. He just closed His lips tightly as if He was waiting for me to say something.

"Dad, I am sure You heard my prayer for her this afternoon, right? You are my Provider, You take care all of my needs and I am so sure You take care of her as well...You remind me today that I have nothing to worry about... from little simple tiny things to big serious tremendous things... I don't have to worry about that tickets, money, maids, kids or even my future. You hold me in Your arms, You always do. With the same faith, I surrender that poor lady to Your protection as well..."

"Aaaah... you never be serious, My child!" He hugs me and we laughed together.

Thank you Big Daddy...

Moral lessons:
God is the One who know most about our needs now, yesterday and tomorrow. When He gives something to us, that means He really knows who we are, He knows our strength and needs. Because of that, He prepared every equipment we might need, complete with the way how we could overcome bad things that might happen. He made everything beautiful in His time. Unfortunately, sometimes we see it as something not beautiful and annoying, just because our glasses are too dark and not suitable to see through the situations we face.

Inspired by Anjar Anastasia.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

Love Story

One day, I woke early in the morning to watch the sunrise. Ah the beauty of God's creation is beyond description. As I watched, I praised God for His beautiful work. As I sat there, I felt the Lord's presence with me.

He asked me, "Do you love me?" I answered,"Of course, God! You are my Lord and Saviour!"

Then He asked, "If you were physically handicapped, would you still love me?" I was perplexed. I looked down upon my arms, legs and the rest of my body and wondered how many things I wouldn't be able to do, the things that I took for granted. And I answered, "It would be tough Lord, but I would still love You."

Then the Lord said, "If you were blind, would you still love my creation?"

How could I love something without being able to see it? Then I thought of all the blind people in the world and how many of them still loved God and His creation.

So I answered, "It's hard to think of it, but I would still love you."

The Lord then asked me, "If you were deaf, would you still listen to my word?"

How could I listen to anything being deaf? Then I understood. Listening to God's Word is not merely using our ears, but our hearts.

I answered, "It would be tough, but I would still listen to Your word."

The Lord then asked, "If you were mute, would you still praise My Name?"

How could I praise without a voice? Then it occurred to me: God wants us to sing from our very heart and soul. It never matters what we sound like. And praising God is not always with a song, but when we are persecuted, we give God praise with our words of thanks.

So I answered, "Though I could not physically sing, I would still praise Your Name."

And the Lord asked, "Do you really love Me?"

With courage and a strong conviction, I answered boldly, "Yes Lord! I love You because You are the one and true God!"

I thought I had answered well, but God asked, "THEN WHY DO YOU SIN?"

I answered, "Because I am only human. I am not perfect."


No answers. Only tears.

The Lord continued: "Why only sing at fellowships and retreats? Why seek Me only in times of worship? Why ask things so selfishly? Why ask things so unfaithfully?" The tears continued to roll down my cheeks. "Why are you ashamed of Me? Why are you not spreading the good news? Why in times of persecution, you cry to others when I offer My shoulder to cry on? Why make excuses when I give you opportunities to serve in My Name?"

"You are blessed with life. I made you not to throw this gift away. I have blessed you with talents to serve Me, but you continue to turn away. I have revealed My Word to you, but you do not gain in knowledge. I have spoken to you but your ears were closed. I have shown My blessings to you, but your eyes were turned away. I have sent you servants, but you sat idly by as they were pushed away. I have heard your prayers and I have answered them all." "DO YOU TRULY LOVE ME?

I could not answer. How could I? I was embarrassed beyond belief. I had no excuse. What could I say to this? When my heart had cried out and the tears had flowed, I said, "Please forgive me Lord. I am unworthy to be Your child."

The Lord answered, "That is My Grace, My child."

I asked, "Then why do you continue to forgive me? Why do You love me so?"

The Lord answered, " Because you are My creation. You are my child. I will never abandon you. When you cry, I will have compassion and cry with you. When you shout with joy, I will laugh with you. When you are down, I will encourage you. When you fall, I will raise you up. When you are tired, I will carry you. I will be with you till the end of days, and I will love you forever."

Never had I cried so hard before. How could I have been so cold? How could I have hurt God as I had done? I asked God,

“How much do You love me?”

The Lord stretched out His arms, and I saw His nail-pierced hands.

I bowed down at the feet of Christ, my Savior.

And for the first time, I truly prayed.

Author Unknown.